MemberDecember 27, 2019 at 7:17 pm
tdlr: I’m still not over my last partner for 10 months now (we never had a real relationship), struggling with self esteem since she got a new boyfriend
First of all, I truly appreciate you’re gonna take the time right now to read the story below. The story below may sound like a one in a dozen generic heartbreak story for you. And it is for me too. But..I would really appreciate if you/you guys would help me with my current situation. My apologies for the bad English grammar already.
Long story short: I’ve been seeing this girl for over a year and we eventually our ‘relationship’ never worked out. I guess I really loved her, and she loved me too, but..we had a lot of fights/just mismatch I guess. Thus we never had a real relationship, because something was missing from her end.
In the end she broke up with me and supported me through the breakup as well. This was in the beginning of March this year. I was fucking devastated. Never had it that bad with a girl. I’ve had a girlfriend before her for 5,5+ years and got over it but for some reason these feelings with her were way stronger. She convinced me she needed to focus on her school/herself as well (which I understood) and that she wasn’t interested in guys at all and that I just needed to move on.
I had and still have (I guess) a hard time to move on though. I checked her social media constantly (I don’t follow her, but her Instagram is public, you can check it on every website) and saw things she was with guys etc. Later on she was on Tinder. I confronted her with it and once again she said she wasn’t busy with guys at all, but Jesus Christ it hurt me so much. And I trusted her once again.
A small 1,5/2 months later I found out she was seeing someone else. I was devastated once again. I texted her that I missed her a lot and I wished her the best with her new guy. That I actually didn’t understand her, because she said she wasn’t busy with guys at all but celarly she was seeing somebody. She said sorry, she didn’t expect to meet anybody as well but it happened, and pushed me once again to move on..I texted her that I hope that when we’ll ever see eachother again, things would be just fine with us/no struggles/fight whatever. She didn’t respond anymore.
That was last June. And since then I went fully no contact and have I never seen her again. I was so devastaded and hurt she found someone else while se said she wasn’t busy with guys in the first place, but also that she ghosted me after I sent her a really heartful message that when we’ll ever meet again I hoped that things would be fine between us. And that she would never ghost me but did, because she did that with someone in the past, and eventually it felt wrong for her. She did it anyway. Like I mean shit to her.
I was sad, angry, hurt, fucking everything. I checked her social media constantly, she was doing things with him we never did (going to festivals/holiday/friends/etc) and each time I saw that, it hurt like shit. A fucking torture.
But I couldn’t stop looking at it. All those goddamn Insta stories man. She touching him, kissing him, him posting pictures of them, kissing (100+ likes whatever), pics of him and her tagging her and saying to her: pssst I have a surprise and it’s in my pants. Jesus christ it hurt all so much seeing all that shit. We even never took a picture together lol. I saw that she was fully in love, touching his chest, which she loved so much doing with me. They went on an amazing holiday, with luxury beds outside whatever. I avoided festivals so that I won’t had to see them.
I went and still go to the gym like crazy, started 3 new jobs in the meantime (and struggling with it, I don’t know what to do with my life), tried to have a social life but I still can’t get over this shit. I’m trying to change, change my situation, try to move on (which she implied to me to do, she said things really needed to change in my life so that I could get over her) but fuck. It feels like I haven’t changed at all.
I get it what she seems in her new guy. He truly is a very handsome man, big, and more muscular than me. Yeah I know who fucking cares but c’mon gents we know it’s important. His hairs are fine nice without any gel in it (what she wanted me to do all the time: don’t put any gel in my hair). He literally even looks like me, only a better version. I kid you not. I try to look at is at objectively as possible, and it just is. Truly. He’s bigger, looks like me, more handsome. He is literally evertyhing what she wants, appearance wise. He has bigger arms than me, and she loved how big my arms were.
As I said, she went with him on a holiday last summer, she’s sitting now with her family and him for Christmas (which I could never meet), they have a damn serious relationship (which I wanted to have with her, and she with me as well but it just didn’t work out from her end), they know eachothers friends, it looks they don’t have any fights or something as well. Of course you only post happy shit on social media but I just know. I just fucking know. She flaunts with him everywhere. She is happy as shit. They gonna have something for years. Truly they are. It is truly a perfect couple/match. And she ghosted me eventually and moved on with him.
And here I am. Struggling for 10 months already. My confidence is totally gone. I don’t have any interest in chicks (only sex) and I truly don’t know anymore how I am in the market right now. I don’t know if I even want a girlfriend now, I guess I’m happy on my own now but…there isn’t someone who I’ve seen who is even pretty as she is. Literally nobody. It’s just insane. Every girl I meet..yeah whatever. Not as pretty as she was. I know looks aren’t everything. But even inner wise, no girl is interesting as she is.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I could go in therapy, and let a therapist convince me that everybody has his own beauty and that looks aren’t everything. But I’m literally classed out and that is not a generic dark thought that can be learned away due cognitive therapy or something. It’s just objectively so.
Don’t look at her social media anymore is something I’ve tried a lot but failed several times. When I don’t look for a while, the urge is insane. It’s truly an addiction. When I haven’t looked for a while I feel empty. Like something needs to get filled. This is really a habit I’ve been doing for 10 fucking months.
I saw her with him and her family just now and they are all happy. And jesus christ she looks good, and he as well. Once again he is everything she wants. He looks like me, but a better version. And she knows it too.
So yeah..I could maybe confront her. But that would look stupid as shit after 6+ months of no contact. She hasn’t contacted me as well ever since. Of course not. Because I’m totally not in her mind anymore. But what can I do? I just can’t get over the fact that she ghosted me eventually, that we never worked out, and found someone way better looking than me which she does all the things with.
I feel worthless. My main concerns are that I will never find someone again who interests me like she did, that my confidence won’t go back again and that I actually never can get over her.
I know whe get over our loved ones eventually and once again, this sounds like a one of a dozen breakup/sad story for you. I know it too..but..she is still in my mind. For like..every fucking day. 10000 times.
What the hell do I do. Try something new in my life? New things? I’ve tried it, nothing fucking helps. I’m truly lost and feel fucking bad about the fact she is happy as hell with her newer/better version than me for quite some time now. That she’s doing all the thingd with him that we could have done too. The feelings are so fucking deep. I still have conflicts with her in my mind. On how she sees things, our disagreements from the past, that she is right now with a more athletic/muscular guy know who looks better than me.
Any help/whatever (desperate call here) would be very appreciated.