MemberFebruary 15, 2020 at 7:48 am
After eating SO WELL for a few weeks and dropping a couple pounds I emotionally ate today and binged on 3,500 calories (approx.) and I’m so sad.
The day started fine, minus me feeling a little sad for being single and sick, I ate 3/4 of a dried seaweed pack from Costco and a chocolate bar for 140 calories and thought I’d still be at least at “maintenance/in a non self loathing zone”. But when I went for a “Galentines” date with my friend it all went downhill. The hostesses offered me a Prosecco sample and put it in my hands before I could say “no”, I stupidly drank it. Then once I sat I ordered a Caesar (like a Bloody Mary, but with Clamato juice instead of tomato juice. It’s a Canadian drink). Then I was going to order lettuce wraps and leave 1/2, but my friend ordered steak and fries and sushi cones and I decided “screw it” and emotionally ate two sushi cones, steak and fries and dipped my fries in a bit of mayo/ketchup.
Then when we finished I went to drive home and my car died in the middle of my drive home and I couldn’t even turn on my hazard lights, and after the stressful situation of calling roadside, waiting for them alone on a busy road with cars honking at me! and my dad to come pick me up, dropping my car off, etc I was emotionally overwhelmed and drained! On top of already feeling sad and single (I’ve been single most of my life and my one Valentine’s Day not single the guy sucked) I now was stressing about the cost of a new alternator I need to deal with tomorrow. I then asked my dad for a milkshake and we went to McDonald’s and I got a small chocolate milkshake (but just my luck, of all people give someone with an ED! They accidentally filled a large one and gave it to me and I was in the drive thru, so I wasn’t going to get it remade) and since they messed up had to spilt it in a cup with me dad and brother and PRAY my approximation was right. Afterwards my dad was hungry, so we went to a Canadian chain called Harvey’s (a burger joint) and he ordered himself and me a burger and a poutine to share and a coke. I ate 1/2 of the burger, 1/4 of the poutine and 1/4 of the coke.
I could literally cry right now. I feel disgusting. I weighed myself and I gained 3lbs. I’m trying to lose 30lbs! I already ate chocolate this week and some sausages which are foods I haven’t had in months and a SMALL amount of pasta at my friends birthday a couple weeks ago. February is almost worse for me than the holiday season! 🙁 and tomorrow is my step dads birthday and I don’t know how to get out of eating there.
I wish I could just fast for the next week to offset all these calories, but I know I’ll binge 🙁 I literally want to cry and can’t dare look at myself in the mirror.
Plus to top it all off, I let a guy see me naked a bit ago and I asked “you really don’t think I’m fat?” And he said “No. I mean we all could stand to lose a few pounds”. Bahhhh 🙁 I want to never get naked for a guy again and curl up in a ball and die after the last few weeks.
I hate February.