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  • I don’t know whats going on help! : relationship_advice

     Arianna updated 2 years, 7 months ago 1 Member · 1 Post
  • Arianna

    Member
    February 12, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    Whats going on guys this is my first post ever and first time ever being on hq and wanted to see what kind of advice i could get also i don’t know if this belongs here but i’d figured ill give it a shot here . I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with some sorta answer and have yet to come up with one. also English is my first language i just suck at it and honestly frustrated and fighting tears writing this. This is gonna be a long one i do apologize for it but i want you to get a full a grasp on the situation and see if someone can help me figure this out either to save my relationship or give me peace of mind.

    So I honestly don’t even know where to begin but ill guess ill start at the beginning.

    We started dating in September of last year, she was the best friend of someone i was close to and someone he had spent his entire life with and we got along instantly. Honestly its been about a year since my last serious relationship before her and felt it was love at first sight. We started off very casual no pressure and meeting up when both our schedules allow (she works 7am-5pm and i at the time was working 1pm-12am). our first date was a couple of weeks after our first meeting and we went to park which had food beer. we walked, talked and it felt like we had know each other for years. the date ends we go back to her place to and sit watch tv, play with her dogs and had a small make out session which led to other things. I never felt so connected to a person on a first date let alone in my life and she tells me the same and that date meant heaps to both of us.

    Fast forward to October we start setting boundaries and establish things we both want and need from each other and want we want in life and we both settled on no marriage , no kids (shes older then i am).

    November rolls around and its my birthday month and honestly i’m struggling a bit with my career ( I work in I.T.) our contracts are starting to end and we start to get sucky work from smaller companies that jobs are smaller and not really challenging, the owners are a pain and genially i’m unhappy with this but put up with it because I still get my same hourly rate but it leaves me unfulfilled. her job is to help other find and pushes me to find better and supported me though everything so far she works my shitty resume in a work of art and start shipping out to every company I can think of and post it on a great job finding website. we spend the day after my birthday together due to me making plans already the day of she presents me with keys to her house and a dad joke book, she knows i love dad jokes (she hates them but always smiled when i told her one) and we discussed me getting a set of keys beforehand because i would let her dogs out if she was going to be working late and didn’t always feel comfortable leaving her back door unlocked for me to do so. I was stunned and happy, almost in tears she i saw the the penny hanging from them with our initials and just hug her.

    December comes up quickly and i struggle to find gifts for her she so used to being independent and doing everything for her self everything she normally want or drops hints for Christmas she buys for self. I end up finding out she has a huge obsession with Disney and a particular purse designer and start my search for something she would love. i end up finding out that the purse designer partners with Disney once and while and will make certain items i end up finding a wristlet from a dealer they don’t make anymore, I make my purchase along with a star map, a copy of the patent of mickey mouse the year he was created, and Disney socks. She got me all things I absolutely love she bought me a new gaming keyboard and mouse, printed t-shirts, sneakers, and a new jacket.

    Next is January we really settle in she tell me this is it for her i’m the one and she can see a future with me and I agree we discuss moving in, i catch a bit of the baby fever and she tells me she was casually browsing engagement rings, Everything is now on the table, the complete package and i’m loving every moment i’m with her and every thought of what this year had in store for us. We both agree this is a bit fast but it feel right we both love each other and are in this for the long haul. She finds out her parents are moving to a warmer climate towards the end of the year and freaks a bit, I end up finding a new job that has offices around the planet and have the ability to move to anyone of my choosing after just a year. This was kind of my dream job with great benefits, makes our schedules nearly identical, and gives me Friday though Sundays off with an option to work from home some days but, its comes at a cost it’s contract gig and the first years pay is waaaayyyyy less then what i was making at my current job but put us in a position that could potentially bring us closer to her parents and the pay is negotiable at the end of the year ,so i discuss it with her and she agrees its a great move and I should do it. i take the job on the dream of this is setting me up for life not only financially but also for what we have planned and i once again was even more excited for the rest of the year

    And this brings us to now February our last month. We start it off talking out furniture and other things we need to make this move in happen, all seems well and more of the same i love yous and cant wait to see you. we enter the second week, her birthday is on the weekend we make plans do a date night on Friday because she always spends her birthday at her parents her mom cooks breakfast and dinner and she does lunch with her father. the middle of the week hits and she’s now in the hot seat for something at work and is upset and a bit shorter and distance then usual understandable and i try to comfort her and be there as much as possible but once again she reminds me she loves me and shes just excited for Friday and her birthday i agree. Friday comes and i don’t hear from her all day till the time we set to do our date night we go mini golfing then dinner and drinks afterwards. we leave the restaurant after i give her gifts a forever rose,a disney funko pop(she collects them), and drinking glasses made from bottle of her favorite kind of beer with 2 cards one a total dad joke card which i expected to get an eye roll from and one letting her know shes the one for me and how much she means to me and everyone shes around. now the whole night felt off but she was a little cold and distant but she claimed it was just from her day she just worked and was tired which was fine and we still had fun. it didn’t get much better when she didn’t want me to come over even though i told her i just wanted to see her open her gifts but she refused again, kissed me told me she loved me and we went our separate ways. now what I didn’t tell a single soul was i was hoping to propose to her that night and went out and bought a ring that day and deemed it was best saved for another night. i texted her and told her i loved her and i had fun tonight and hope she did as well she said she did and wished me a good night. i woke up to text she she wasn’t happy and I got a feeling in my gut we all know it to save some time and to keep me from reliving it it ended with her saying her heart is no longer in the relationship she wants to end it and wants her key back and she can gather my stuff.

    now my question is what happened how could we go from being so in love and planning a future to nothing at all?i feel so blind sided and hurt that this came out the blue and how she could be so cold about this and towards someone she once loved. i never got a feeling there was any cheating or funny business going on we were pretty transparent on everything, i don’t know if this was flight reflex because shes been hurt so much in her past or she really just wanted to end it. i also texted her today 3 days after the breakup and it was even colder then on her birthday one word answers and saying she had nothing to say. what should i do? any advice is much appreciated

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