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  • Ridiculous narc boss : ManagedByNarcissists

     Arianna updated 2 years, 9 months ago 1 Member · 1 Post
  • Arianna

    December 27, 2019 at 2:26 pm

    My narc boss is so ridiculous that people ask me if I am perceiving the situation correctly. (Note – I am still in this job because it’s easy, the pay is good, and I don’t work much.) Some fun examples for those out there who know this stuff is all too real:

    -> He brags about being a great communicator. Meanwhile, we haven’t had a staff meeting in two months. He has never had an all-hands or even a meeting with all of his managers. He doesn’t even have a mailing list for his team. He didn’t send a note to the team for the holidays but he did wish Linkedin a Merry Christmas.

    -> He is obsessed with being a Linkedin influencer. No original content, he just shares articles written by other people and gets maybe 50 likes. He then brags about how big his reach is on LI and tells everyone that they are not posting enough. For a while he was even paying an agency to write these for him. Seemingly everyone but him realizes this is embarrassing.

    -> He says really weird things. He told me it was hard to have guys in his team whose wives work. He referred to himself as a “Shylock” during a negotiation with another company. He told me that someone was “going down” on him when he meant that the guy didn’t like him. (Obviously this can go on at quite some length)

    -> He lets his peers attack his team. Some real lowlights: 1) I have a guy in my team who is disabled, a cancer survivor, dyslexic and working in his 3rd language. One exec attacked him repeatedly for his writing skills. I told my boss that this was lawsuit territory, he told me to proofread the guy’s emails so that people wouldn’t complain. 2) I have one woman in my team. She is a very senior operations person and some misogynist started asking her to deliver packages around the office. I gently asked the guy to stop, got no reply, and finally gave him a hardcore WTF. The guy’s boss complained to my boss and my boss was so pissed that I had taken a stand. He said there was no sexism involved unless my employee would say that there was. I told him she didn’t want to do that because she didn’t think he would take it seriously. He said then there’s no sexism.

    -> He tells me and my team members that if someone senior to us in the org is a jerk to us, that’s our fault for failing to “manage our relationship” with that person. If someone in another team comes to him and lies to him about something my team members did, he 100% takes the liar’s side. e.g. I had to have a meeting with him where he complained that someone told him one of my people “went to dinner at the wrong time” on a business trip. Obviously virtually all of his peers (who are narcs and sociopaths themselves) see this soft underbelly and attack it often.

    -> On the rare occasion that he does take on one of his peers, he makes a big show of telling me that he is “falling on his sword”

    -> He has a habit of randomly sending out emails trashing people for not having done thing “X” and that this should be something they are very interested in and should have taken initiative on it. Generally these are things nobody has ever talked about prior to the trashing email. But then one guy took initiative and volunteered to help him with team-building (which he had done extensively in a previous job), and my boss said to me “who does that guy think he is trying to volunteer to help with leadership?”

    -> Unsurprisingly, most of my team hates him. They generally ignore what he asks them to do. He doesn’t understand why they don’t bother having 1:1s with him.

    -> He lies to me about things his boss said to him, e.g. that his boss was mad at me because somebody in another team was screwing up and I didn’t say anything about it. (Even if he had, why is that my responsibility?) Or that I created a huge problem for his boss when I reached out to a partner company on one project – except his boss was the one who asked me to reach out. He also made up complaints about people in my team and then refused to say who had complained.

    -> We did have a project I was leading where a guy from another team was doing poor quality work and refusing to show up for meetings. After weeks of trying to resolve it, I escalated this and my boss was so angry at me for calling the guy out.

    -> He only wants to have 1:1 meetings so he can control information and silo people. I told him that he, I and one of my peers needed to have a sync on a project. He said “do I have to be there?” Yes. He bailed on the meeting twice, and then of course he starts blasting out tasks on Saturday morning.

    -> He just loves to send out high-priority tasks on Saturday mornings. By 10 am Monday I will get an urgent request for an update. I will remind him that these tasks involved working with people at another company who, believe it or not, won’t respond to requests for weekend work.

    -> He literally does not understand the concept of delegating. He sent me a note (on a Saturday) telling me he was delegating something to me because he was too busy. It included instructions on who in my team could work on the project. He also said he would normally work on this personally and said that we should have daily 30-minute meetings so that I could “tap in to him”.

    -> When he realizes that I have delegated something to someone in my team, he just takes me out of the loop. I’ve confronted him on it and he either says 1) he never reaches out to them without me; 2) it’s their responsibility to loop me in.

    -> When something goes wrong while he’s trying to personally manage my team members, he turns around and gets angry at me. He told me they were “AWOL on Thanksgiving”, e.g. I told him to loop me in to the threads in question. He said it’s not his responsibility. He truly believes that it is my responsibility to fight in order to get access to things he his hiding from me (this has come up numerous times.) So sometimes I will gently ask if he wants me to attend a particular meeting, and he will start lecturing me about “too many guys in the room”.

    -> He also does not understand the concept of employees having responsibility. In his 2nd year running the team, he did make a vague attempt at creating some team goals, but he didn’t get buy-in from his boss on them and it was obvious to my whole team. He never re-visited them over the course of the year. When I set up team meetings to get him to communicate, he seemed visibly annoyed that he was there. He is adept at manipulating his boss, so he prefers that his team does very little work, which reduces political conflict.

    -> I told him it would really help him if I took over a particular team that doesn’t really have a manager. He gave me one guy, told me he was responsive to me wanting to grow my skills but failed to tell me the guy was on a PIP! I scrambled to get the guy productive and my boss refused to acknowledge what he had done.

    -> He put another guy in my team who I did not realize beforehand is a total disaster as an employee. The guy refused to do any work, insulted me, his co-workers and the customer, started fights in team meetings, and then complained that I sent him an email at 4 pm on a Friday. My boss kept telling me that I had a bad attitude toward the guy and needed to put him on critical path projects!

    -> He is obsessed with expense reports. He will ask me to create demos and then fight me on the demo materials. He kicked one expense report back to me repeatedly because he erroneously believed I had gone over my dinner limit by $4. (He has no idea what the corporate rules are.) The only way to get him to approve it was to send an expense diary showing I had not exceeded the weekly limits. He tried to get a huge group of people to move between three different hotels to save a small amount of money. People have taken to paying for business meals and hotels themselves to avoid having to deal with him.

    -> He asked me to allocate resources to help one of my peers on a project and he would give me details. When I didn’t hear about it again, I followed up and he told me that I wouldn’t be able to ramp up fast enough. I said “when have I ever not ramped up fast enough?” Of course he tried to come up with some qualifier to justify not having pulled me into it.

    -> Of course, he frequently condescends to me about how helpful he is being for my career.

    -> He has complained multiple times that he doesn’t get paid a bonus every quarter and will “leave money on the table” if he doesn’t make it to the end of the year.

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